Hiatus

There is something about looking through these past posts on my blog that fills me with joy and I don't want to forget all the good things now too! Therefore, I must begin writing again!

I am listening to Eleanor Wachtel interview Edwidge Danticat, the brilliant Haitian American author who wrote a book I read in Book Club several years ago on Mindy's recommendation. Calvin is at a late meeting and both of my beautiful boys are cozy, sleeping in their beds upstairs. I have yet to do the dishes from supper but we sat down as a family and ate a meal. There is a chocolate olive oil cake with three slices missing next to the laptop, I can hear the sound of my clocks ticking behind me and I feel happy thinking about my life. My days are often filled with the frustrations of a caregiver; I struggle to change a diaper on a strong and wiggling baby, I respond negatively to the request to watch "Transformers" for the tenth time but agree to "Daniel Tiger" or "Doc McStuffins", I debate what to do while the baby naps, I scroll through Instagram and Facebook and simultaneously feel connected to loved ones and bad about how my life compares to others on social media, I text friends and cook. I often wonder about how long we will live here. Sometimes it feels easier to imagine living here forever rather than trying to plan our "next move" even though we are so distant from family. I love being close enough to Toronto so that we can drive to visit Lindsay and Maddie and attend weddings, etc. I wonder what work I have ahead of me and whether or not I will pursue further formal education one day. I cry listening to the radio and seeing films that I love. I worry that my responses to art may be insensitive or out of touch. I worry about people I love. I hold grudges and strive to figure out what it means to forgive, set free, seek peace and reconciliation with others and myself. Hearing Calvin play piano and guitar and ukulele, especially when our boys are present, fills me with joy. Watching Gus take piano lessons and swim lessons gives me hope because he learns so quickly and has so much fun while he does it.

Today I read a post on CupofJo.com where she described feeling a "Thin Slice of Joy" and I realized she had given me a word for what I experienced today while holding Gus and George in my lap during the opening song at our Music Together Class. We sang, "Hello Everybody, so glad to see you" and I looked around at the other caregivers, holding the children in their trust, I could feel their hopes for them, feel their love for them and all of the sudden, the loneliness I often feel as a full time at home care giver to young children dissipated slightly, I felt important; my work felt valuable; my work felt seen. I felt this sense of connection and solidarity with all the other caregivers in the room, each of us just trying our best to foster loving atmospheres of growth for the children we care for…I got a little choked up and felt sustained in the work I do, which so often feels unnoticed and wearisome. It was a thin slice of joy…and now I have a name for it! XO

DECISION TIME

This email from Gretchen Rubin really resonated with me today as we are interviewing for jobs in different locations:

It also is helping me to try to stop being like Hal, from Malcolm in the Middle:

December 2015

Food lately, October 2015

kids books

Fall is the best

Hanging out at the park, bike rides, library visits...

Barrow, Alaska- May 2015

This picture of the icy beach in Barrow, Akaska was taken by Calvin on Tuesday. He is up there doing an externship with the Indian Health Services. I am fascinated by the landscape...here are a few more iPhone pictures he has sent me:

Walk to the library

Yesterday Gus and I walked to the library. I love where we live- the trails, trees and mountains are so beautiful.

Selfie before we left...:)

He loves the books:

Pulling magazines off the shelf. 

I love this baby area where we can make a mess in peace (and clean up before we go:) 

Found an awesome book about a scary dentist so I had to take pictures to show Calvin as a cautionary tale:

The walk home:

Toronto 2015! Part 2

The view of mom's house from behind. Don't let the blue sky fool you, it was cold!

Milk in a bag.

Gus' fave spot to play.

Gus loves Gertie! In fact, it was his first word that he repeated! Every time Gertie entered the room he would say "Gertie, Gertie!" And Gert was a saint, so gentle with Gus even when he poked her nose and pulled her fur:)

Passed out in grandma's bed 

Playing with his little friend Ellory!

Toronto 2015! Part 1

Gus loved being at Grandma's house.

But first- thank you Gus for napping in the airport when we missed our connecting flight and before we got upgraded to business class in the next flight out! And thank you to the mother of a college football player who waited for me to get my flights sorted out and helped me get to my new departure gate and prayed for me and gave me a big, warm hug when we parted ways. The kindness of strangers is magic.

We were greeted at Pearson International by ms. maddie herself!

Gus made himself right at home

 

Outside:

Inside:

Mandatory stroll past the crazy house in the neighbourhood. 

Lunch at Completo 

Hang out with Gertie and Ellory

Walk to Lake Ontario

Canadian breakfast of champions